My last message to you; Sy

說了再見 才發現再也見不到
We said goodbye, only then do I find out we can’t see each other again

我不能 就這樣 失去妳的微笑
I can’t just lose your smile like this

口紅待在桌角 而妳我找不到
The lipstick is on the corner of the table, but you and I can’t find it

若角色對調 妳說好不好
What do you say if we switched roles?

說了再見 才發現再也見不到
We said goodbye, only then do I find out we can’t see each other again

能不能 就這樣 忍著痛 淚不掉
Can I just bear the pain and hold back the tears like this

說好陪我到老 永恆往那裡找
You said you’d be with me till we’re old and that we’d go there to find eternity

再次擁抱 一分一秒 都好

Just another hug, a minute, a second will do

My kind of Love

I wonder what I will be like when it is nearing 30. Waking up in the morning and seeing just an empty bed with you alone but you still get on your feet everyday because you are excited for the day where you ask her for her hand. Planning countless of dates and a proposal to sweep her off her feet but little do you know, she is just waiting for you to ask.

I wonder what it will be like when it is 35. Waking up in the morning, remembering that she went for a work trip and there’s the entire bed to yourself so you just rolled around doing some starfish poses but somehow ending up on her side of the bed just because you have already miss her.

I wonder what it will be like when it is 45. Waking up to the same old pair of eyes just lying beside you and wishing that you can reverse time so that the sun doesn’t have to rise and you never to leave this bed just because you just don’t want to get up. And somehow she have her own ways of waking you up for breakfast but some days, you just wait for her to wake up and slowly reach out to kiss her on the forehead and say a simple good morning.

I wonder what it will be like when it is 65. Waking up to the smell of your favorite breakfast with eggs, ham and bacon all placed on the plates and having her bringing it to you on the bed. So quietly blissful and just makes your heart beats as fast as the time when you first saw her. Still have the feeling of wanting to hold her in your arms and shower her with everything you have left in you.

I wonder what it will be like when it is 85. Waking up to an empty bed and untouched pillow and unwrinkled half of the bed because she wasn’t there anymore. She left you alone to fight and there is nobody there to remind you of your medications because she was gone. But thankfully, she went off peacefully in her sleep and wondering if it will soon be yours.

I wonder what it’s like to live life in that much love. And when you do, I wonder what it’s like to lose it to something as trivial as your body passing through time. It’s heartbreaking that the body can’t last as long as the love between two people. But it’s also kind of beautiful that love transcends physical nature. All we can do is experience it while it’s here and while it lasts.

My favorite make up of all: Smiles

Everyone puts make up on their faces, be it on graduation day, performance night or just a simple date with that someone special. Putting on make up somehow enhances our features and thus, making us look more attractive. So that day when I was taking my usual bus ride to work, I noticed a lady putting on some powder on her face which led me to think; What is the best make up that anyone can put on?

My answer? Yes you should have guessed it by now: Smiles

Smiling should be one of the constant thing that everyone should have on their faces everyday. From young, I was led to believe that all bad things can go away once you put on the brightest smile. Although when I grew up, slowly I realize that it wasn’t true at all. My first break up broke me into many small tiny pieces and tears were uncontrollably rolling down my cheeks. It was the first real pain that I ever felt in my chest and then.. I tried to smile. The pain did not stop or rather, it grew. The pain was so terrible that I curled up on my bed and cried myself to sleep. It was like a thousand million BILLION surprisingly sharp knifes stabbing me across my chest, but I just smiled like an idiot.

Through the years, I went through a lot of tough obstacles and heartbreaks and even if I break, I went down with a smile on my face. Those times were never easy for me and I am sure many of us out there have similar feelings about it; Life is never easy. Although I know that smiling does not make the pain go away, I slowly realized that it does not make bad things go away, it makes good things come to you. Every single time we think that we have hit rock bottom, things will start to pick up, they turn to be better. But do we realize that things turned out better because we start to see things in the brighter side?

To me, its always going to be smiles. I love how smiling can make someone’s day better. How a simple smile can make someone else smile back at you. How smiling can make someone feel better. People often forget that this is a powerful thing because I believe that it is a contagious emotion.

So why don’t we start everyday with the best make up of all. Begin everyday with the brightest of smiles. Believe me, it does make your day a better one and if it can help to light up someone else’s bad day, I wouldn’t mind to just smile at him/her and make their day a better one.

Smile people. They are a powerful weapon that everyone of us possess; the best make up anyone can put on their face.

Stories. 

Stories are part of our lives and it makes us who we are today. Everybody have their own stories whether if it’s good or bad, happy or sad, it makes us grow and becomes a part of us whether we like it or not. Whenever I talk to someone or listen to someone, all I see are stories that were left unsaid to the world. A part of me wants to uncover the hidden stories within people’s life and see and feel what they been through. Basically what is it like to be in their shoes. 

As my life goes on, I tend to meet new people and listen to their stories. Gain some new perpectives and knowledge, using it if it’s possible or applicable to me. These are lessons learnt and the things that I can get out from experiences. Stories that are imprinted onto each and everyone of us, so that is why I enjoy talking to people. 

My stories aren’t all good and not all are bad either. Because it’s how life is… It gives you whatever and you just have to take it and how do you take it, it’s another story. From young, I had some bad experiences and of course some good ones. But you know what people always say: 

“There are no such thing as bad experiences. There’s only lessons to be learnt. “

And I couldn’t agree more to that sentence. Okay well.. Not all have lessons to be learnt but you get the point. And I guess all these bad experiences made me who I am today or rather it made me realized what kind of man I don’t want to be; It made me better (i think) and I’m grateful for it. Usually it depends on our way of thinking and our perspective  in life. And seeing how people act in certain ways sometimes just means that they didn’t want to act this way but they can’t help it. They were brought up like this. They had experience something that even we can’t imagine. Not everyone is as fortunate as we are so we really should start learning how to be happy with what we have. 

Understanding each and everyone out there, listening to their life stories and just feeling and knowing how they feel, what they do… It’s just amazing. Amazing how they can get up everyday and walk the same path as we have and we have no idea what’s happening to them. All the fight that they are putting up everyday; inside and outside of their mind. It’s simply amazing

And this is why I take time out to listen. Because I believe that it does wonders to people. Make this world a better place. 

The ability to feel. 

As human beings, most of us are blessed with the 5 senses; sight, smell , touch, taste and hear. The ability to feel(The title) isn’t touch itself in this case but it is the ability to sense other’s emotion and feelings. Everytime I listen or read someone else’s story, I tend to put myself in their shoes; see what they see, feel what they feel and let their emotions become my own. I understand their pain and thoughts perfectly and it usually scares me to know that such thoughts actually exist inside of me. 

I don’t know how can this happen to me or how can I feel so deeply into things that isn’t even my concern in the first place. Is it the life experiences that I had till now or the overload of dramas I have been watching my whole life? But whatever it is, it made me sensitive towards other’s feelings(which I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing) I guess that’s why people like to talk to people like me because they won’t feel alone in that situation, like there’s someone that understands and know what it feels like to be in such case. Although we can’t really fully understand as we aren’t the ones going through such things. 

Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to feel this deep. Is that why I am so emotional? Is that why my heart will ache or respond to every heartbreaking stories I hear? Is it possible to not feel at all? All these questions in my head left unanswered but I know that I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. 

I am those kind of person who wants to take all the pain and suffering by myself. I don’t want anyone to have this ability to feel too deep into emotions because nobody should go through this. The sea of emotions, all mixed together and gush out uncontrollably. I know how it feels like.. And I can say that it doesn’t feel good at all. But I guess.. Having this ability makes me who I am today. The ability to understand every pain and suffering out there so that I know what kind of person I want to be. The ability to sense someone else feeling so that they know that they are not alone in this, because I know how lonely it can get in this small space of mine. All these small insignificant details… I will take note of them. 

I know that I’m not alone in this world; not the only one that can feel this. But I wish that I was. So nobody have to go through the pain that only we will understand. 

I will get stronger. I will still be there for people. I will still listen to all their stories. I will help in whatever ways I can because I understand their pain. This is me and I’m proud to be me. 

The ability to feel deeply into emotions; one of my greatest strength. 

2am thoughts

What hurts you usually isn’t the person leaving you.  It’s all the pictures, songs and just memories of that person. Because it can’t go back to the way that it was before. So we tend to cling on to something that we think that it’s real or rather what’s left of the memories because it reminds us of the happy times; when we were still together. 

Things change. People change. Memories don’t. Pictures don’t. And sadly, our heart don’t change when we asked it to. 

I guess I haven’t really learn how to accept the change. I just wish that I can find my courage to do what I need to do; to forget you. Not our memories but just you. You tell me to focus on the bad stuffs and then I can move on quicker. I’m saying that this might work out for you but it doesn’t work out for me. I guess to say that I’m always the one loving more because all I ever did was to give you everything I have. But I guess my everything wasn’t enough. So I have to be smart and start walking. Slowly but surely… I will start to walk away from us. 

“It does not matter how small your steps are. What matters is that you start and keep walking. Eventually one day, you will get there.”

I still keep our first picture of us in my wallet, waiting for the day when I have the courage to take it out. Im still waiting..