Broken

I apologize for writing a sad post once again.. Just wanted to release some of that feeling dwelling inside of me. Feeling down lately and I thought that I can use some laughter in my life. But apparently laughing and smiling doesn’t help much and I’m back to where I started. 

I went to watch movie alone for the very first time. It was a comedy and there I was just sitting there quietly and absorbing the images flashing on the big screen. Motionless, I just sat there until the movie was over. Never thought that I will be alone in the cinema watching a damn movie in the middle of the day. But it was an experience nonetheless. 

Went to a company’s gathering recently and I was glad I went because I got to drink the limitless alcohol that was provided to us. But the weird thing is.. No matter how much I drank, I can’t seemed to forget about every damn sad thing. I just kept drinking and drinking(I bet everyone was impressed with how much I can drink) but at the end of the day, I know that alcohol can’t solve anything but I still drank my heart out going back home sober. 

Went out with my good friend yesterday night for a movie night out. She asked about the past relationship about me and sy. And as I was explaining things, flashbacks, memories, every single details came back to me.. I felt like I could just go somewhere and hide while I cry my eyes out. Even the comedy doesn’t seemed funny anymore. She reminded me of how much I’m still in love with her and how I still couldn’t just give her up. She said to give it time and I wish that time can be forgiving and pass by me faster. 

She made it clear that we are not going to have any future. Somehow I still wish for a future. Still don’t know how to say goodbye. So I guess I will just wait. 

Sat under the sky watching as stars light up the dark blue sky. Slowly shining one by one as they becomes visible in the night sky. I wish that I could be one; a bright star in the galaxy. 

Words left unsaid; unspoken words

Death is inevitable and we never know when or how it’s going to happen. One day we might wake up and it just eats you up from within leaving you with nothing; emptiness. The only thing is… You wished that you had more time; time to tell your love ones that you love them. 

I have never been afraid of death because I know that one day I will leave this world and never look back. The only thing I’m afraid of is the regrets that I’m leaving behind me. I guess that’s what most of the people out there feels too. Maybe that’s why we should do the things that make us happy and say the things that you want to. Tell your love ones that you love them. Go on an adventure and leave your world behind you. Because sooner or later, when you’re at hell’s gates, you don’t want to leave with regrets. 

The words that we left unsaid, the words that could meant a whole different life ahead, everything can go wrong with just words. 

I’m sorry for the things that I have said or do that hurt you. I was selfish and all I could ever think about is my feelings that I forgot that you have feelings too. Although it’s too late, I just want you to know that I’m sorry. And no matter if you love me or not, I promise to love you and keep you in my heart as long as I’m still breathing. Let me be selfish one last time and just let me love you. 

Choices

In one single lifetime we make choices which decides which path we head on in the near future. From small ones like which food to eat to the big ones like career paths or relationship. And as we usually do more often than not, we tend to look back and think if we made the wrong choices; the wrong decisions. 

Sometimes before making any big decisions, I tend to think a lot and keep asking myself if I made the right one; afraid that I might regret it later on. What if it isn’t the right one? What if the other choice is better? But the truth is, there is never a better one because we won’t know for sure what will happen if you didn’t make the choice that you made. 

Don’t regret your choices because it is already made but make the best out of it. You never know what might happen. It may seems to be bad at first glance but give it some time… Everything turns for the better everytime. 😊 

Happiness is too a choice. We don’t realised it because we often choose the opposite. 

Positives

How can human be so contradicting? How is it possible to have no appetite but hungry at the same time, full but empty at the same time, sleepy but can’t fall asleep at the same time, hate but still love at the same time. 

When I first started to blog, it was to rant out every thought and feeling I had inside of me. I never thought that it could be anything but a space for my inner demons to feel alive and feed it off of my single bare soul. It was till now that I realised that this is all more than just that. People read and get inspired by bloggers and they see and read our messages through our blogs. They get to know how we feel and think about the world; our world. Sorry that I took so long to realise it. 

I probably should tell you guys about the positives in my life too. Like the fact that I’m finishing my long 1 yr 10 months of service in NS. Heading over to the Gold Coast with my friends for an unforgettable trip. And I am having a job interview soon tmr! (Hope that I gets it! 🙂 ) so yeah.. I guess that I still have things to look forward to and kinda need to embrace the fact that I’m single now. 

They say one door opens to another door’s close? Pls open mine soon. 

Strangers again

Have you ever find it strange that most of our relationships are in cycles and there are different stages to it. You start off as strangers, then to the get to know each other portion, to friends, to more than friends, to dating then marriage or break up.. And in most of the case, you guys become strangers once again. 

Isn’t it strange that we can get so close to someone and everything just vanishes in the end? It was like we were so sure that they were the one… But turns out, things were never that simple. Every fairytale that we seen and read shows how simple it was to meet the one but they failed to teach us it isn’t always that easy. 

Let’s back track a little. 

I guess that we can agree that moving the relationship forward have the most risk because everything that you built up with that person so far can go up into flames in just a day. So this question is always on the mind of people… If we ever broke up, does it means that our friendship is over too? Well… It means that things won’t be that simple between you guys ever again. 

There are so many examples that I can think of where a friendship was ruined after a BGR(boy girl relationship) and this is probably the stage where everyone struggles. The more frustrating thing is.. There isn’t a right or wrong answer to it.