Moving forward

Finally. I think I’m starting to understand what people meant by loving someone means you wish for their happiness, even if you’re not the one making her happy. 

I get it now. And somehow, I’m truly happy. 

Your favorite phrase: We were the right person for each other. But I hoped that we met at the right time. 


When colors fade

The simplest color of them all; black and white. While everyday has been full of colors in our lives, have anyone wondered what it is like to live in one where the world is just black and white? No? Just me? Okay.. Maybe I really am the weird one or I have too much time on hand to be thinking of stuff like that. 

There was a time when I lived in a world full of colors, full of life. But one day things change and in an instant, my world got ripped apart, changed to the dull black and white world. I was afraid of changes and had difficulties dealing with that fact. To be honest, nobody like changes that they are too familiar with. But when you have no other option other than just accepting it, sometimes people just chose to run away; away so they don’t have to face it. That was my case exactly. 

Distracting yourself and slowly letting time take all that pain away is nothing but a lie. Because one day, when you see, hear, smell, touch something that reminds you of them, everything hits you like a truck full of emotions. Running away is a temporary way but when you decide to stop and face it, then you have started accepting that change. For me, it wasn’t easy to stop seeing that my life isn’t just about being in black and white but the simplicity in it. Sometimes, simple can be happiest too. Don’t you agree? ☺️

Just wanna let you guys know that I’m here today because I have walked through a lot of streets and places where it hurts; physically and emotionally. Sometimes, my heart still beats a little faster and sometimes it just hurts but I know that it’s okay to let it be. Changes can always be a scary thing but when it happens, face it with all the courage you have and don’t run away. Healing starts with you face it. 

In a life of black and white, it has been the most colorful journey I have yet to walk on. And I just realised it. 

I’m a little lost at sea but I will be found

Can I just start by saying that I didn’t know that studying can be so tiring or rather I forgot. It’s only day 2 of studying and even though I can say that I have most of the materials studied, I don’t know if I can do it when it comes to the real thing. Practiced a few mock exam papers and people just keep telling me that I am going to do well. So now the question is what if I don’t?

I have always lived with the thinking that I don’t want to disappoint the people around me that have expectations of me. Sometimes, expectations so high that it is scary just thinking about it. However, I don’t know what scares me more; the fact that I might disappoint or the fact that I am enjoying the thrill of having the pressure. Do I sound sick in the mind? I can assure you that it is not the case. Oh yeah.. I have a draft sitting there since forever about star signs, so if we are talking about this then I guess there is no better timing to bring it up?

As a Virgo, I have always been a perfectionist. I want to do things to the best of my abilities and always asking more from me or the people around me. Sometimes it is tiring having to do things with a certain expectations of yourself but time and time again, I have proven myself that I can do better as long as I put my heart and soul into it. Everything I do, I want to do the best and hope that I can finally meet my own expectations. Maybe that is why I enjoy the pressure, the stress and everything that goes with it; I strive under stress. So when I read about horoscopes, the things that they always say about a Virgo is 80-90% true at least for me. So I began to have an interest in reading horoscopes. But more on that some other time. 🙂

Drowning or being lost is kind of a familiar feeling to me. Having to deal with all the pressure and stress, makes me feel alive. Maybe you would say that it isn’t healthy but this is what that made me who I am today. All my accomplishments, all my commitments and achievements, everything comes from my expectation of myself. I want to do the best of my ability for this time round too. Sorry that I rant about this so much in this post! But I hope that you can now know more about the person who is constantly writing on this blog. I don’t always let people into my life that easily because it is also giving them the ability to hurt you. But if I don’t, then who is there left to love me for who I am? Having a blog helps when you have things on your mind and you aren’t comfortable telling the people around you. Sometimes, it is the people you don’t know that helps you up when you are down; You just have to let them in.

You are never alone in this world. Always know that somewhere out there, people are reading what you write about your life. Even though, they don’t know you, they can be your biggest fans. 🙂

Time to start anew; step into adulthood

Have you even though of how you would want to start the life of adulthood? Because when you are done studying or finished army, that’s the route you are heading towards. For me, everything starts tomorrow when I start having lessons for my license for sales. Things aren’t suppose to be easy and I would have never imagined myself doing this but now that I have chosen my path, I intend to do my best for it. 

To show that I am determine to do this, I started studying or rather reading through the study materials as soon as I got them. Sea of words just rush through my mind and I don’t think I did a really good job studying. After army, it is like my brain went rusty and I can’t even focus. Maybe I got to stop finding excuses and really know what’s my aim for this. Believe me when I say that this is a mountain that I will conquer. 

Yesterday I got to hang out with my all so busy budz for a meet up and dinner. We went shopping around for my pencil case which wasn’t easy to find until we stopped by Daiso😂 We talked about a lot of stuff but mostly traveling abroad as she is heading to Europe in a few months time. I admire her courage to travel alone and although I have been thinking of bag packing Europe, I don’t know if I have the courage to go alone. 

We talked on and on about traveling and the stuff that she wants to pack in her bag-pack. Walked a few shops till it was time we sat down and have dessert. Had some shaved ice desserts and realised how clumsy she is😂 We head over to Jai Thai at dhoby for our dinner to satisfy my Asian food cravings. 😁 Overall I enjoyed my day out with her because she is just so fun to hang out with and I got to eat nice food☺️👍 

Got a really nice day out to relax myself before the war begins. It is not going to be easy but I will see it through 💪 

Do not go gentle into the good night

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Before I drown in mountains of words

The sky was dark and there was no sight of the sun but I drag my worn out body out of my bed. I needed to get ready to go for an introduction class and get my study materials before starting the finance classes next week. I got out of the house with my sister who is also heading to work by train and headed off towards The Metropolis near Buona Vista.

I was early as usual and so I went over to Mcdonalds to have a breakfast to stop my stomach from calling out to me. After which I head up to the office area, found a seat and got myself settled down for the introduction class. It was slightly more than an hour but it was quite a fun class as I got to interact with some of the people there to hear their hobbies,favourite food and their ambitions. After which I collected my textbooks and headed over for my physio session.

Looking at the textbooks that is going to keep me busy for the next few weeks just scares the crap out of me. Whenever I start and tried to take a look at them, I felt the sleeping bug creeping towards me. After so many years of not studying, how is it possible to stay focus on the words that is just blinding me. 

Today, I woke up and tried to study but the temptation of my big, soft, comfy bed is just too much. 😥 I think I need to get my shit together and start studying because the books are just thick; enough to drown me in. Let’s hope for the best then.😅

Drowning. It’s a familiar feeling. 

Those feelings that slowly fades away

Can I start by just saying OH MY GOD! I miss Melbourne’s weather so much! Hahaha! Whenever I step out of house these days, I almost immediately feel the heat making me think that I am going to melt soon. Okay.. Maybe that is a bit too exaggerating but you guys get my point.

Today was a good day for me even though my body clock is still making me wake up in the wee hours and my poor stomach had to wait for me to feed it. But thanks to someone(I won’t say who) who promised to bring me to eat OYSTER MEE SUA (one of my craving) I didn’t feed my poor stomach so it had to suffer for a while. I finally got my craving satisfied with a bowl of oyster mee sua and a chicken cutlet! We then went to starbucks because she had some 1 for 1 cheesecake thingy going on. But apparently, we were only allowed to choose the chocolate one. Well.. you must be thinking that chocolate is fine and all but NOOOOOO. I am telling you guys that that was the most chocolaty cake I have ever tasted and I feel like I am going to suffer diabetes. But nonetheless, I enjoyed my day thanks to her 🙂

My friends came over to my house later in the evening and we exchanged the pictures that we took during the trip. There were about 3000 plus pictures excluding videos and of course some were amazing. Looking through the pictures brought me back to the days where it was just chilling and relaxing. Everything was about feeling the wind brushing across your face and no worries in the world; a great carefree feeling. Standing at the top of the world and feeling the whole energy you have rushing through your very veins… It is certainly an indescribable feeling.

I wish that I can experience that once more. I promised myself that I will work hard to make sure that this will not be the last time I have that feeling.