What is your fear

This four letter word seems so small but yet it can haunt many of us for most of our life. Most of us still live in fear every passing day and sometimes I fall into that deep dark hole too. But it’s okay because we are not perfect. 

Fear is something that we will be fighting for the rest of our life whether we want it or not. And the scary thing about is that it can exist even in the smallest of thought. I read an online post about fear and I like how they describe fear as. 

Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.

Fear makes us more cautious about the things happening around us and sometimes it can make someone shake down to their very bones. But the ironic thing is that we have to face our demons to release ourselves for fear itself. Then the question:

How many people are willing to face their demons. 

In the society we live in today, the increase in fear causes a lot of people to be stressed out, depressed, insane or just can’t find anything to be satisfied with. The fear of not succeeding, the fear of letting someone down, the fear of failing are just examples of us today. Is it that we are giving ourselves too much pressure or have our society forced everyone to be like this. 

President Franklin Roosevelt once said that “the only thing that we have to fear is fear itself”

And I find that very true. The fear of having fears is most likely the cause of a lot of our fears today. 

I’m scared of a lot of things because this mind of mine don’t stop often. But I’m not scared of facing my fears because I know that I have people around me that have my back. So when I fall, I never stay down. 

We are just scared of our inner demons. Lend some power and fight it. Remember that you are never, never, alone. 

So what is your fear? 

Step by step

The size of our feet varies from big to small and frankly speaking, that doesn’t matter. Unless you are out buying shoes. All of us walk the same path to our old age; some giving up halfway, some striving on to hold on to their last breath, some crawling and grabbing to anything they can hold on to. But most of us, we carry our burdens and continue walking down the path; not because we are strong but because we don’t want to stop. 

So the thing is never about how big or far your leap is but rather if you don’t stop moving forward, you will eventually get there. Small steps or big ones… It doesn’t matter as long as you get to your finishing line. 

I believe that we can get through it together, small steps at a time and I will be walking through it together with you. 

Counting down

Days are passing by way too quickly and it means February is arriving in a few days time. And February is usually famous for one day; Valentine’s Day. 

More often than not, people that celebrates this are couples. Well.. It is technically a day to celebrate love. But does it mean that a single person can’t have a good time too? We used to do these things in secondary school where people just buy sweets and chocolates and distribute to every single one of their friends whether single or not. So what I’m trying to say is… Valentine’s Day is for celebrating love… With everyone you love. 

And anyway, in the month of January, I’m like officially one year single! Woohoo. Made a bet with one of my friend that I would stay single and yeah.. I made it. 😅 I promised that I would enjoy being single and see the perks of it. But who knows me better than myself… I hate being single! So every year I dread to think the coming of February 14th. 

Apparently I don’t have plans for that day so guys… Feel free to ask me out! (Like this is going to help) but nah… I guess I will just let my “fate” happen. (Stupid “fate”) 

But… 

Apparently I was wrong. According to wiki, Valentine’s Day is to celebrate romantic love… Tsk. Then what about the singles out there. But enough of that, let’s go out of the Valentine’s topic. 

I’m freely enjoying myself these days and although tiring and totally wearing my body down, I’m still going and smiling. Don’t know if I’m an idiot or something else but I feel that I have the power to fight through. 

The funny thing about me is that I like to put some of my post with password to protect them. And my password is usually the birth date of the post who I wrote it for. Not bad right! So you will know if a post is for you just by trying your birth date. But then again… There’s flaws. What if someone shares the same birthday too😂😅

This is not a well thought out plan. But since I have already done this for a million times, I guess I should carry on and not change anything. But pls! If you need any clarification about my post then ask me before assuming😅 

February 14th. Still afraid. 

Memories

It’s been a while hasn’t it! I missed writing here but lately I have been stuffed with work and hardly have any time for myself. It’s good that I feel busy and all but every night, when my body starts to ache I know that I need to take a good long rest when I can. 

Things have been fine for me and I guess the start of 2016 wasn’t that bad afterall. ☺️ With Chinese New Year closing in, I hope that I can really enjoy myself and find the fun in me again. CNY has always been my favourite holiday simply because I get to see the people that I call my family. Well.. Who am I kidding! Of course it’s all about the food and the money well… People too but more on the other stuffs.  😂

I signed up for a gym last year in December and have been going there recently. Working out have never felt so good. Knowing that you have a gym which is 24 hours and going there whenever you want to, just sounds great. So I have been working out quite abit and although my body aches from time to time, I know that I am getting stronger as well💪🏻 

Today was a pretty rough day. Or rather night. I met up with my good friend and while we were talking, I can’t help but to think about my past relationship. Seeing him now is just like seeing the past me and I can’t help but to feel for him. I know what he is going through and in a way, as you guys should know, I have my “special ability”. So seeing him like that reminded me of me. 

Then it hit me…

That was me, a year ago. Sitting by the lake side after cycling for miles. Staring blankly into the lake and thinking what I had done wrong. Blaming myself for every stupid thing and holding back tears just because I don’t like to show my weak self to others. 

I didn’t have anyone to go to. Or rather, I’m the same old me. I hide away and close everyone out. And I suffer alone in that dark cold corner I designed in my mind to keep my weak self boxed up. 

And then I saw the look in his eyes, the same old look that I had everytime I looked in the mirror; I loved her with everything that I had. After a few intense minutes, I managed to convince him that going back is a bad idea. Told him a few things that I told myself when I was in that situation and just being a friend for him. 

I know that it’s not an easy wound to recover from and nobody says that everything is going to be easy. But that doesn’t mean that we have to give up.

 It’s tough, it’s hard, it’s unbearable… 

I heard this so many times. But you know what… When we finally set ourselves free, that’s when we see how much we have grown

Stronger. 

Even if you can fool everyone else in the world, you can’t fool your heart. 

My next chapter

A look back to how my year went.

Frankly speaking, it’s not all about fun and games and I guess I learnt that the hard way. Like most, I loved, laughed, smiled, cried, sulked for most of my 2015.

I thought that this year was going to mean something; something great. With everything building up from 2014, it’s hard for me not to expect things to be better. But like always, they always have a way to prove that you’re wrong. I spent a good New Years with the ones I love and I cherish that moment. I love that I get to spend the start of my 2015 with the ones that I love and cherish the most.

Then came my first heartbreak. Well… I have literally no words for it. It’s… The most painful, sad and tearful journey of my life. I was down, down to the extreme end and I thought that I might die somehow. But as you know, time heals all wounds. Just that some wounds might need to take a little longer.

My army life came to an end half way through the year and I was pretty ecstatic that it’s all over. Another milestone completed but one thing is for sure, I really miss the people I met and helped me throughout my army life. They are really a bunch that I hope that I can treasure for a long time.

And as you guys probably know, I went for a road trip in Australia and I had the time of my life there. It was a 25 days road trip stretching from Brisbane all the way down to Melbourne and I miss every single minute of it. One of the highlight of 2015. I miss that place the minute I flew back to Singapore. So I hope that I can visit there soon again. Everything was an adventure, something that I cannot and won’t ever forget.

I started my first unofficial full time job. Well.. There’s a bit of uncertainty in it. But I can tell you that I love what I’m doing. ☺️ it wasn’t a nice smooth sailing ride but I got through it and now I’m an official financial planner!

And to end it off, there’s a one week trip to Bangkok with my colleagues and I truly enjoyed every single minute of it. It let me take my mind off stuff and enjoy myself while I was there. It’s like I left my worries and troubles all back in Singapore. I realised how much I love traveling even though it’s just nearby.

Now on to 2016. 

The countdown to 2016 was a rather peaceful and relaxing one. As I look out my window to see fireworks filling up the night sky. I didn’t want to spend it with anyone because I think that I should be alone for it to tell myself that it’s perfectly fine to be alone. So I sat inside my room and watch as the skies fill up with lights as we welcome a new year.

Above was just what I could remember of my 2015 and of course there’s much much more to say. But for all that, I just want to say that I’m way passed it. What happened to me in 2015, happened. For all the good and the bad times I had in 2015, I’m just bringing everything along with me. Next stop, 2016.

As I grow older, I realised that the baggage that we carry doesn’t get smaller; it grows bigger and bigger. As we walk on, every memory that is precious, no matter good or bad is stored in that baggage of ours. But time doesn’t stop and we shouldn’t as well. Moving on… 

Next chapter.