Wedding

Is where a couples unite in marriage.

Is where we celebrate the love between two people.

Is where we rejoice to the meaning of the word;

Soulmates.

Everyone have a different idea to the word marriage. To some, it will be the happiest day of their life because it represents a life with the one you love. To others, it might just be a dream. We, as humans, often long for a companion to have, to be there, to love through your lifetime. Whether you want to admit it or not, that’s a fact that everyone will eventually long for a partner; someone to spend their remaining life with.

Sad to say, in modern days, more of us are facing disappointment and heartbreaks than our well deserved happy endings. It usually makes us wonder, what do we have to do to meet the right one. Is there such a thing as the right one?

A Soulmate. Or the right one if you may say. I do believe that it’s out there for everyone. Call me stupid or a fool but yes I’m forever a romantic. I grew up believing that if I try hard enough I might actually be happy. As I grew up, I find it harder and harder because everything I do, everywhere I look, I don’t really feel that I’m happy. Somehow, something is missing in me and I struggled to find an answer; an answer to my happiness.

If you know me, you would have known my story. My life full of rejections and heartbreaks; lies and cheating; broken and down. At last I realized, why do I try so hard. Why am I trying and going all out to find someone that will eventually break me again. This is usually the stage where people start to build up walls and I’m no exception. I’m not proud of my past but I don’t think back and regret the things I should have done.

I mean… Everything happens for a reason right?

But as you know, through all of my struggles, I found the one I call my soulmate. All that I learnt from my past, I don’t abandon them. I carry them and move forward. All that I should have done from my past, I don’t abandon them. I carry them and move forward. Every failure that you experienced that lead you to this current point, makes you a better person for the next person. And who knows… maybe he/she is the one. This brings me back to what I would always say:

Always love yourself more. Because if you can’t even choose to love yourself, nobody else will.

Yes. I used the word choose. I don’t care if you’re fat, ugly, short, tall or there are certain areas you don’t like about yourself. It’s always a choice and you chose to hate that aspect of you. Yes I know I can never truly understand and you might think I’m still a normal looking person, what do I really know about all of this. But little do you know, I also suffered from low self esteem before. I never loved myself. I never chose to love me for me. And I don’t care what you think, but I know that everyone is fighting their own struggles; their own fight. I’m not in any place to judge. And you are not in any place to judge me too.

What I want to say here is, you can’t expect people to love you if you first don’t love yourself. You can’t change anything if you let things remain status quo. If you don’t take that first crucial step, you will forever stay on the same spot while many others move their feet.

Empower yourself. Give yourself more credit than you ever deserve. Find the love that you think you deserve. I think we owe ourselves that much at least. Not everyone that you met will be good or nice or kind, but they will eventually step into your life. And promise me this. When they step in,

Always be the perfect self that you are. Not some other person. Because if he/she is the right one, they will embrace every part of you; even those that you once hate about yourself.

That’s my perfect kind of love.

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Step into the future

Future is just a step in time after the present. If we take a step back to look at it, it’s actually a very scary thing. We don’t know what will happen in the future but yet we make plans for it. We cannot be fully certain of what lies ahead but we can just look ahead and move forward. To me, that is suppose to be scary because I could not see the road ahead of me.

Most of the times, there’s no “guide” lights along the way. Putting out both of our hands trying to figure out the obstacles lying ahead while trying to survive. It’s almost too tough for others to comprehend but sometimes I feel that I have people beside me helping me push through. They are the source of strength that makes my clock tick, my engine run and my spirits high.

Recently I took a leap forward; me and germs went to choose our housing unit. It was quite an exciting process but at the same time, scary. To be honest, this is a huge commitment and I am hoping that I have the capability to finance my house. I guess that’s why I need to continue saving up on my finances because I really don’t want to have a life where I have to constantly worry about money.

On a more positive note, the house that I chose is quite a good location I suppose. With shopping malls within distance and transportation by bus or train nearby, I kind of think that it’s the perfect place to be in. There are still so much potential to grow in this area itself and who knows, there might be more upcoming projects to upgrade the area. So fingers crossed.

Right here right now as I’m writing this post, I feel that I have so much weight on my shoulders and I don’t know how can I release them. The weight of the world on me. Sometimes I thrive on these, but sometimes I just wanna be that kid in me and have no worries at all. But I know that I can’t. As we grow older, everything gets heavier.

Take care everyone who reads this post. Because I know that I haven’t been posting a lot lately but whenever I see views on my blog, it feels good because at least I know that there are people listening out there. I know that I’m not alone in all of these but do you know that too?

I’m always here for you guys too.

Back to words

It’s been a while since I blogged about something. Usually, I would blog when I have some inspiration on a certain topic or when I’m feeling down; just because this place used to be a place where I store my thoughts. But ever since I met my special someone, I find myself not blogging much; maybe I found someone that I can pour my heart to without the fear of judging.

Nowadays, I find that writing a blog or a diary helps people to better express themselves. Even though your blog can be read by anyone and everyone out there, I feel that sometimes the encouragement or even the thought that you are not alone in this world can make you feel a whole lot better.

I’m doing fine currently if anyone is interested to know. Busy with school and work while trying to balance with my remaining time spent with my family, girlfriend and even myself. I’m somehow weird in this sense because I like to be busy and feel that I can contribute to what I do. But there are of course times when I miss slowing down my footsteps and just enjoy the view for once.

That’s the reason why… I’m planing to go for a trip! (In October tho) but nonetheless… it’s still something to look forward to! Everyone needs a break every now and then. So even if you are stress about stuff, do remember to take a break and stop tiring yourself out too much. There’s a Chinese saying that goes something like this: “Taking a short break for the longer journey ahead”. That is like a sort of direct translation but you get my point.

Thank you for supporting my blog till now guys! Hope that everything is fine for you too. Till next time.

2017 in review

There’s so many changes, stories and things to be grateful for in 2017 and since it’s nearing the end of 2017, let’s have a short recap of how it went.

New working environment, new friends, started schooling, etc; these are some of the changes I experienced in 2017 which I regret to say that it’s not all perfect. Well let’s face it, it’s never going to be perfect but we shall not dwell into it. I started schooling in around June and had been very busy ever since. Imagine after a long day at work, you have to rush to school from your office and only to be home at 11:30pm. I have been surviving with that kind of schedule for 6 months and I have to admit that it is really very draining. It makes me wonder how the others before me done it.

I switched my working environment in the start of August as I wanted to seek for better opportunity elsewhere and frankly speaking, I have never regretted my decision. The things I do here is not as challenging as what I was doing previously but being here pushes me to my limit and that I have to admit. There are days where I can feel that my brain cells are being used up and I have to get home to recharge myself. This environment kind of suits me as I always love a challenge and would never back down till I succeed. However, I have to admit that there are days that I feel sucky about working there too but the thing about me is, I don’t think too much into it but rather, I like to prove that they are wrong to think that way of me.

All my life, being looked down by others, getting criticisms from people, every negative actions, shaped me into who I am today. But I have to say I’m not really that superhuman because I do have times when I feel weak and helpless as well. In times like these, I’m lucky that I have people I can rely on and pick me up in the darkest times. I’m glad I was raised in such environment; so that I can be strong even when the world wants me down, I just need to get back up and try again.

Now for the things that I’m grateful for in my life till now; my family, my friends and my special someone. Let’s start off with my friends. They say the older you get the lesser friends you have and well, I would say that’s true. It’s kind of sad but at the same time, I would say happy as well because these friends will be your closest bunch of people you have around you to get old with. They been through some of your good times and bad times with you, helping you along the way and just making everyday bearable at the very least. I’m happy to have met these bunch of people that helped me get through my 2017 because every moment with them makes me truly blessed and happy.

My family has been the backbone of my life because without them, I don’t think I will be where I am today and I’m not even taking this lightly. My parents have always been supportive of whatever I do and till today, I have always felt that unconditional love from them. They are always there to listen to my problems and sometimes criticizing me of my doings. Even though I get angry at them at times, I still take their teaching to heart and hope to improve myself as a person. Being the eldest child, sometimes I feel a lot of burden and stress on my shoulders and I have to say, most of it is self inflicted. I have the three most wonderful siblings that I can ever ask for. Sometimes we are noisy and love to make fun of each other but I can always count on them to catch me whenever I’m falling. We have each other’s back and despite each of our flaws, I am proud to have them as my brother and sisters.

2017 is a very special year for me and my special someone because it’s the year that we got engaged. 07/07/2017 would be a date that is forever engraved into our hearts where we made our eternal promise to each other, a promise that can and will stand to the test of time. My whole life changed when she entered and it is like the best thing that has happened to me. Everyday I feel blissful and blessed to have her in my life. She have that special ability to brighten up my day even when I’m down. She never fails to make me smile and the best thing about this is, she will never make me feel that I was ever alone in any situation. To have that level of support and confidence towards me, it’s something that I always treasure a lot.

I do get lots of questions like how do I know she is the right one. Well, we only dated for like a year before I proposed so what makes me so sure that she was the one I have been looking for. Don’t get me wrong, it is not always a bed of roses for us. We do have a few times that we are upset or angry but we have a golden rule that we are keeping till today; never let each other go to sleep sad or angry. I think this is an important part of our relationship, something I am proud to declare to the world. So back to the question at hand: what makes me so sure that she is the one. To me, proposing or rather promising our future together is never a tough decision to make. In her eyes, I see the perfect version of me and I thank the gods everyday for her. I can see myself coming home from a long day and being greeted with a warm smile or a hug because that’s how our relationship is. Whenever I look into her eyes, I feel like I can see our blissful future together holding hands till we are old. And those are just a few of the many reasons how I know she is the one.

All in all, 2017 is certainly a year to remember. From everything major to the small things that happened in these 365 days, I’m glad I have the right group of people; friends and family to go through with. Thanks for all the good and the bad times that I had in 2017, I will add this to my bag and carry on my journey.

Now, onwards to 2018…

24 years ago

6th September 1993

If someone told me that 24 years ago, I would be enjoying my life; having a wonderful family, having an amazing girlfriend then fiancé, still doing well in my career and studies, I would have never believe it. 

My family has always been an important part of me. Growing up, my parents didn’t have the easiest time and it shaped me to be a strong willed person. We were not rich but we are happy. A kind of family where I wish my kids would grow up in. So of course every birthday, I would celebrate it with the parents that started this whole thing. 

So let’s start this whole celebration from when it started. Shall we? ☺

The celebration began one day before my birthday when my friends: Daphanie, Melody and Adrian wanted to meet up for lunch. Little did I know, they invited my fiancé along. It was a nice surprise and I was genuinely surprised. They even got me a cake and a present which I love so much. This friendship with them is really one of the best thing that came out from working in HSBC. 

Later that night, my fiancé met up with me to bring me out from a birthday celebration. To my surprise, she brought me to F.R.I.E.N.D.S cafe. F.R.I.E.N.D.S has always been one of my favorite dramas to watch and recently she started watching it too. So she booked us a table at the cafe here in Singapore. So let’s see… what about the cafe. 

The cafe was quite a distance from the train station but from the moment I stepped into the cafe, I was amazed. The details of the cafe was like the set of F.R.I.E.N.D.S with the famous couch that they sit in the cafe, Monica’s apartment, the fusball table and much more. It almost feel like you’re in the set of it’s actual filming. We then grabbed a seat with a great view and background and order food. The cafe was showing episodes from the drama itself as we got to dine and watch some of the best episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and I even got to watch my favorite one. However, the food there is a little pricey so please prepare your wallets. 

On my birthday, my fiancé brought me out for a nice brunch at Lola’s cafe. It was the perfect brunch date for us and the food was delicious as usual. Everything was as I remember it to be and the food was still fantastic. Then I got to chill and relax a little before my family went out for a celebration later in the evening. 

We went to have a simple dinner and even went to Swensen’s so that I could have my birthday ice cream! 😂 I even got myself a present; A dartboard! All in all, I enjoyed my special day with the people I love. I know that I wouldn’t trade these with anything else in the world. Thank you everyone for the wishes. 

To the ones who love me for everything I am, I thank you with all my heart. 

The day when you finally get it. 

There will come a day when everything comes in place; all the big and little pieces fix themselves and together they form a perfect picture. As most of you already know, I proposed to my girlfriend not long ago and it was everything that people said it to be. 

Nerve wrecking, surprises, tears of joy; all of these building up to one word. When that word became the most important word in your dictionary, you know that you finally got it; you found the answer that you have been looking for your whole life. 

Many would understand that something so beautiful and precious like this don’t come easy. Sometimes it depends on luck, timing and chemistry. Through failed experiences in love, we gain and bring it forward with us. It shows that you accepted the past and go on to receive the future. However, sadly speaking, that cannot be said for all of us. 

Some of us are stuck in the past and finding it difficult to move on; or rather they won’t let themselves move forward. Most of us have a hard time accepting and moving on because we fail to see how everything could turn for the better, stuck thinking that that was the best they could ever get or deserve. Now I’m telling you that it is not true. 

You deserve better if you wish for better. 

Don’t ever put your happiness in another’s hand; or rather allow people to make you happy but don’t give them the right to take it away. Yes we will be sad, yes we will feel down but that does not stop us from choosing what we think we deserve. If you believe that you deserve to be happy, then who in the world out there can tell you otherwise. 

You make your own choices so learn to live with them. 

It’s been a while since I chose sadness. It doesn’t mean that I would feel sad every now and then or rather I would not allow myself to brood over it for a long time. 

We always deserve so much more. We deserve to be happy. We deserve to make our choices. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pick up all these shit and move on. 

Onwards to better days ahead. 

I found the one. 

07/07/2017

That was the day where two hearts got connected as one; the butterflies went out of control; and I got down on one knee and asked the most important question of my life:

“Will you marry me?”

It didn’t take me much effort to figure out that she was the one for me. Every little things just comes together; it just adds up together; slowly but surely that’s how I know that she is the one. 

There so many things I can say about her; kind, sweet, loving, understanding, and the list goes on and on. But I guess the thing I love the most is how well we fit together as one. That feeling when you complete a puzzle; the lyrics to complete your song; the other half of me. 

Both of us been through a lot individually before we met. From the countless heartbreaks and relationships we been through, the missteps that we took, the experiences that we gained and lesson that we learnt; everything that happened brought me to where I am today. I would say that the journey wasn’t an easy one and it sure wasn’t the simplest one but I’m glad I got there in the end. 

Everyone who knows me knows that I’m a helpless romantic. Trying my best to have everything as sweet as possible and keeping the spark between us everlasting. And so when I decided to propose to my girlfriend, I wanted to make it the best one for her. It all started in late May this year and I started with shopping for the ring and planning for that day. Choosing the date wasn’t much of a thought as I decided on 7th July 2017 as our parents had theirs on 8th August and 9th September respectively. 

As I wanted to keep it a secret, I only revealed my plans to a few of my closest friends and people that I needed help from for my proposal. Through a few weeks of shopping and planning, it was pretty hard for me to contain my excitement. I kept it private and intimate with a simple design of balloons, fairy lights, flowers and most importantly the ring. 

In the end, the moment arrived. I told her my feelings and how I feel about us. She was shocked as I took a step back and got down on one knee as I uttered the following words:

“Germaine Chee, will you marry me?

Her face was in total shock which proved how well I hid it from her and it took her a good few seconds for her to reply a resounding “yes“. We hugged and kissed as I placed the over-sized ring into her extremely slim finger. After which we got to our photo shoot and order delivery for dinner. I popped a champagne to celebrate and damn wasn’t that a night to remember. 

To be honest, I think that we are still young and have a long way in front of us. The road ahead may be difficult for us but whenever I feel her presence beside me, I know that I have the strength to carry on. So who cares if the road ahead would be rough and tough for us, as long as I’m holding her hands, I feel that there’s nothing we can’t face together. I guess that’s the power of love. 

And I finally can say it out loud: “I found the one.”