The day that I was born

6th September 1993

This was the day that I was brought into this world and through my 23 years of life here, I had my fair share of ups and downs, happiness and pain. As you can probably tell, I just celebrated my birthday a few days back and man was it one of the best birthdays ever. I went on a trip to Bangkok with my girlfriend for a nice 4 days getaway, got back just in time to celebrate it with my love ones. Although it was just a simple steamboat dinner, but I am just glad that everyone got together that night to celebrate my birthday.

A lot had happened since the last time that I blogged and maybe I could just add a little things to update. I am still working in a bank and as a part time tutor so basically I am working my whole Monday to Sunday. Don’t ask me how do I do this because I have literally no idea how am I doing this myself but one thing is for sure, it is a damn tiring life. My 6 months contract is about to end in around 2 months and I have been trying to find myself a new place to start at. I decided to postpone my studies once again because I don’t want my parents to have that financial burden with me going to university so I figured that I should save up money and earn more while I can during this period and pay for my studies next year.

So that is basically it for what happened recently in my work life. But outside from all the piles of work and stress, I have the people that cares for me and frankly, they are the reason that I am still hanging on every day.

Recently, I got to fly overseas with my girlfriend to Bangkok to enjoy a short trip just before my birthday and it was a blast. We had so much fun travelling around and shopping of course. As a regular to Bangkok, I was able to bring her to places to eat and shop and just having her beside me just made the entire trip a whole lot sweeter. As it has been a long time since she went there, I brought her to the places that everyone should visit when they are there for the first time. From the places like, Chatuchuk Weekend market, Asiatique, Chinatown to the food and the milk teas, everything was just perfect. The hotel that we stayed in for our trip was at Centara Watergate.

Personally, I have stayed in some fantastic hotels and I have got to say that this could be ranked up there with those hotels. The first impression was that it is grand and the cleanliness is top notch. The staff service there is excellent as well as they greeted us with a glass of tea and cold towel each. One thing I did not really like about it would be the location of the hotel as I don’t find it really convenient and near to the town area. But the streets are always lively at night and it is always a good thing if you ever get hungry while heading back to the hotel.

We spent most of our money on food and our meals ranged from 800 baht to 70 baht per meal and I got to mention that the meal at Chinatown was the most satisfying yet. The whole meal cost around 700 baht which includes a tom yum soup, two fresh big ass oysters, some veggies and a big ass fish to cap everything off. It was filling for the both of us and we felt that the price was super worth.
To sum the trip up, it was a very enjoyable getaway with my girlfriend and I am just glad that I have this travelling experience with her. We tasted lots of food and went to places to experience different things and even bought a baby pizza to have on the cab on the way to the airport. We flew back on the day before my birthday so I can be surrounded with my family on my special day.

On my birthday, we had a small gathering where my grandparents visited to have a bbq/steamboat session. The whole table was filled with food prepared by my mum and it was just an awesome dinner. Nice and simple with everyone I love around me. I even got a present, balloon and a very sweet letter written by my special girl who I can’t thank enough of.

So that was basically it! How my story have been and of course I hope for better things to come. And of course lastly, I would like to thank the people who dropped me a message to wish me a happy birthday. I promise to always be appreciative of what I have and aim to become the best version of myself.

That’s a promise to myself

It’s been a long time

My dear blog.. Yes, I do realise that I haven’t been writing in recent weeks or months even but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss writing here. I’m physically and mentally drained(when am I ever not) and working everyday(and I mean everyday) doesn’t help that case. But there’s always a positive at the very end of everyday, that’s to talk to the one that took my heart and breath away. 

Working in a bank is a super tough job and I don’t get how am I suppose to continue working like this when my school starts but I guess that’s the very reality in life; there’s never an easy way out and I suppose that I will come out stronger. 

Since young, I never once led an easy life. My whole life, I have been chasing and running towards something I can’t even see or touch. Pushing myself harder just because I don’t want to lead a life like this anymore. All these blood, sweat and tears that made me the way I am today, I don’t regret it one bit just because it shaped me to become someone who is strong mentally. 

But now, things have changed. I’m starting to learn things differently and just be contented with whatever I have. I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, I have people that love and care about me, I have two jobs although it’s tough to balance at times; but all in all, I should be contented with everything that I have till now. Of course I still have the drive in me to continue to strive but I think part of my personal evolution, I have also learn to look at both sides of the coins; striving for the things that you want in life and appreciating what you have now. 

Everyone sees that either one side of the coin but a few sees both. Well, it’s never too late to be appreciative of what you have. Just don’t wait till it’s too late… You never know what life is going to bring on the plate next so let’s just enjoy the ride. 

On the side note, I recently just left the office at 10pm… I know.. Woah. Hahaha but it’s an experience nonetheless. I will write here soon but till then. 

The feeling of coming back home to someone who you love is always the best feeling ever. 

Wish granted 

It’s never been a secret how much I love stars, heck I even named my blog based on constellations. But have you guys ever tried wishing upon a shooting star? Well, I did. 

I still remember that night when the sky is dark and there wasn’t much to see except for the million of stars lined up above my head. I was feeling down and mind full of thoughts I wanted to get rid of just because it is like toxic to me. It was slowly killing me from the inside and truth to be told, I kind of allowed all of that to happen. 

As I rode my bicycle to a quiet place to throw all of my thoughts that are toxicating me, I suddenly stopped to see a shooting star from above. It wasn’t easy seeing stars in a city that never sleeps with lights almost everywhere in the streets but I actually saw a shooting star right there in the middle of the dark vast skies. I did what every normal being would do and made a wish. It was like a desperate attempt to make me believe that there is still something worth waiting for in my life. There were so many things that I wanted to wish for but so little time to decide. 

But I’m glad it came true. 

What was my wish in the end? I could have gone for many things like ending my sadness or being happy. But I came to realised that happiness and sadness is a choice to make. We chose to be happy or we chose to be sad, we can choose to be a lot of things but in the end, it’s all in our mind. So I simply wished for a light to guide me, to be able to see the light in all that pitch black darkness where it is cold and lonely. I simply wished to have the self realization of how to choose to be happy once again. 

And I did. 

Many people out there wouldn’t believe in this type of fairy tales but I would like to think that it exist to give us hope. Hope that one day, things will be fine and things will be okay. Hope that the light will guide us to where we are suppose to be. 

This is the hope that you gave me. 

Anyway, I found my reason to smile silly everyday and she’s the reason why I’m loving myself more every single day. She keeps my engine running and constantly striving to be the best version of me. And I will always love her for that support she never fails to deliver and making me feel loved.  

This is the hope that you led me to see. Thanks love. ❤️

A letter to the ones that walked away

Thank you.

Firstly, I want to thank you because of you, I learnt how to be a better person for someone else. I learnt more about myself and how I should love someone, so when I finally find her, I can treat her right. I learnt how to be myself and treat the one I love better than before. No one knows how to love since we were born but we learn and pick up experiences along the way. So I guess I have to thank the people that entered and exited my life because I might not be the same person I am today if it wasn’t for you.

I am Me.

I found out a lot about myself during these period because you get to know yourself better. Like from your likes and dislikes to other things like your character and personality and step by step, you tend to feel that you are moving towards the person of your dreams.

You can’t expect people to love you if you don’t love yourself.

Is what I would constantly remind myself of and I learnt that the hard way. In the past, I often find myself loving someone too much to a point where I feel that I somehow lost myself during the course of the relationship. I think for everyone except for myself and put everyone’s interest before mine. It was horrible and I hated myself for it because it felt like I locked myself up in a corner of my mind and struggling to break free. I couldn’t breathe and had to constantly be fighting to catch my breath. After a few months, I finally came true to myself and got myself out. I started to think for myself and see the truth that I wasn’t happy pretending to be someone I’m not for somebody else.

That was one of the many lessons I picked up while loving someone in the past and I think that I became a better person as a result of it. Now that I look back at all of the relationship that I have been through, I guess I have to really thank them because…

Somehow, someway… They will lead me to find the one that was meant for me.

and because I feel that I am a better person now, I feel that I can finally love her right this time.

Thank you. I will be cherishing her from now on. 

My definition of love 

Everyone have their very own definition of love or how they hope for it to be. But more often than not, things aren’t as easy as just boy meeting girl and happily ever after follows. In real life, we go through ups and downs together to see if we are really suitable for each other. 

Truth be told, there will only be two exits at the end of this path; marriage or break up. There’s no third exit and we like to base the relationship on thoughts like these. As I grow older, I realised that love life is usually more than just being happy and loving each other as it also encompasses other factors as well. 

Mine has always been simple and straightforward. Loving someone is like wishing nothing but the best for her. Wishing that she will be there with you every step of the way. Whenever some place, some food or event that comes to your mind, she is the first person I will think of. I will place her as my priority and if she needs me, I’m there. That’s roughly my definition of love. Of course there’s always more to it but yup I guess everyone have their own way of loving someone. 

But whatever it is, we make sure that the other person feels your love and knows how you really feel. Everyone have their own definition and if you’re lucky enough to find someone that matches yours, then I say you’re a very lucky person. 

In today’s society, there are many breakups, misunderstanding and cheating going about which often leads us to believe that true love can hardly exist anymore. But it’s really not that difficult if you are willing to put in the effort, willing to put yourself out there and willing to allow yourself to get hurt. One day, he/she will find you, that I will always believe. 

It’s all about the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride. I feel that the ups are equally as important as the downs in life. And it reminds me of one of my favourite quote: 

“The rainbow only comes after the rain.”

I guess I’m lucky. 😁

A triangular tale

Anyone heard of the Triangular theory of love? This is a theory of love developed by Robert Sternburg and I find it quite an interesting read. So let’s go a little deeper into it shall we? 😊 This theory is basically made up of three components: Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. 

One type love

Intimacy refers to the closeness or the feelings of attraction towards each other. It also consist of the the two sharing close bonds. Intimacy love felt between two people means that they feel a sense of high regard for each other. They wish for their partner to be happy, share with them, help them and communicate with each other. It is often referred to as warm love as it brings two people close together. 

Passion refers to the physical attraction and sexual desires are usually a part of passionate love. This is considered as hot love because of the strong presence of arousal between two people. 

Commitment refers to lovers who are willing to commit themselves for a long term relationship. However it is also said that one can also be committed to someone without feeling love for the other person and vice verse. This is considered the cold love as it does not require intimacy or passion. 

Of course there are more in depth explanation which can be found else where but this is suppose to be like the cut down version. There are the two type of love: Romantic Love(intimacy+passion), Companionate Love(intimacy+commitment) and Fatuous Love(passion+commitment) and the last type which consist all three type: Consummate Love. 

As a PH.D. holder in relationship(self proclaimed) and a love guru(also self proclaimed) I find this theory rather interesting and it is true to some sense. Something to think about for sure but I would like to think that in society nowadays, it’s hard to find the love that consist of all three type. Which I find it saddening. One type of love are getting more and more common nowadays which scares me a little. 

But I’m a believer. I still hope that she’s out there searching for me. And please please… If you found me, don’t let me go? Or rather slap me to wake me up…😅

The colors that appears after the rain. See you soon.